Shining Tea Room

Dealing with Tellurian Agora Pressures as a Blonde

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Rosamunda Elefarya, Setsuna Chandrick, little Rosie 6 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #1478734


    Rayati, honoured ones.

    I am feeling rather upset at the moment since a conversation with my mother that just ruined my entire day.

    My younger sister is doing rather well for herself at the moment. She is studying art at University and has always done better in academic environments than myself. But my mother now wants me to do a degree too, and after a conversation about how it seems pointless because I do not wish to do anything in life that would require a degree, she seems to believe it is impossible in this day and age for a person to be the stay-at-home partner/hestia keeper while the other works and makes money for the family. She thinks this is a silly wish of mine and that I need to be more agora-focussed and go to university in order to secure myself a well payed job so I can live comfortably. I understand that, but it feels like Tellurians, possibly since the Eclipse, want everyone to be exactly the same and follow the same path of academic and career success, even those of us who don’t thrive in those environments, such as blondes, blonde-like femini and possibly some masculi. My talents are suited towards self employed work one can do at home such as artisan crafts and writing, and of course, running a household. Not academia. While I can’t speak for all blondes, I certainly do not feel like I do well in pressure heavy environments.

    Do any other blondes feel this way, and if so, how to you balance the pressures of the modern Tellurian world with your true nature? Is there any compromise? Looking to hear from all, including brunettes, to hear different perspectives.

  • #1479020


    Your mother may be thinking that it is a big risk to go into the world unqualified even if you think now that that is what you want to do. It is the sort of thing mothers think and the point of view is understandable up to a point – but..

    It seems to me that an even bigger risk is to take on a big burdensome debt in order to get a qualification you really don’t expect to use. I have never done or needed to do or wanted to do (and I don’t think I would have been able to do, quite regardless of the qualification problem) anything that required a qualification.

    Most of the (few) people I know well are either like me or had “careers” at one time and have left them.

    People like us exist!

    This is really the strongest form of your mother’s argument. The other form: that you “should/must” pursue academic/career success is much more shaky. If you really aren’t suited to that kind of life, either you won’t end up pursuing it or you will pursue it and will be unhappy.

    I hesitate to give “advice” in this way because I know very little of the Tellurian world. But then I know little of it because I have chosen largely to avoid it. And you may be the same.

    People like us do exist!

  • #1479100

    Well, since you’ve happened to ask, here is a brunette perspective, and a married one, and a struggling in Telluria one all together.

    You’re choosing a hard road. But is it really harder than going against your nature?

    Telluria right now expects everyone who looks like a grown up to work, and the economy in the United States is certainly set up to encourage that in many ways. However, it is also still a Tellurian expectation that everyone who looks like a femini can keep a home and will thrive doing that if they get the chance.

    I can’t. Staying at home all day, especially if I’m in charge of the home, dulls my mind and makes me feel lazy, and I don’t get much done at all. However, if my spouse, who is certainly expected by Telluria to work, stays home, things get done and outings are had and it’s quite wonderful, really. My spouse is also not especially good at working in the agora, so we’ve chosen, as long as it’s possible, to have me be the one who does that.

    My talent is figuring out problems for people in charge and organizing complicated things and being reassuring. Therefore, I’ve gone and gotten a business degree and am currently seeking work that will use it. I tried when I was a full decade younger to go to college without knowing what I wanted to do, and it was a disaster. I was successful only when I felt I was following my werde.

    Obviously, I don’t think you should hare off to college if you don’t feel you’d be following your werde by doing so. But I do have a suggestion for dealing with your mother.

    Show her you are serious about the path you have chosen, in a way Tellurians will understand. Learn new techniques in your crafts, and work on them most days of the week. If your city recreation centers or local community colleges offer courses for busy people who aren’t in college all the time, courses on writing or on talking to publishers or on marketing a small business or setting up an online shop, consider taking one or two. Consider setting up that online shop, on Etsy or something. Certainly once Tellurians see an artisan start to sell her work, their feelings about the usefulness of her craft alter considerably!

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